A friend, Gabriel, sent me this essay some time ago, and I have been meaning to share it ever since. I want to share it because I agree with it, passionately, but also because it perfectly captures Gabriel's intelligence and anger, both of which I miss very much since he is no longer in Beijing. So, with his permission, I am putting it here.
Also, by happy coincidence, this happens to be the day that France celebrated its first gay marriage, following months of violent protests that seemed to polarize the whole of society. Congratulations to the happy couple:
Just as Eskimos have a ton of words for snow, Mexicans have them for “homosexual.’ Growing up there, no day passed without a new addition to the long list that included joto, maricón,
Now, a few years later when -as Taylor Swift predicted- I am living in a big old city, in the core of the West,a haven for democrats and any left-wing of the world. One would think the mindset has evolved among people here. Isn’t it the newest trend to legalize same-sex marriage and slowly make it part of the Western platform? – Didn’t Hillary Clinton say “gay rights are human rights, and human rights are gay rights”? – Well, efforts have certainly not been enough.
I have come to realize homophobia has been rationalized and renamed, while keeping its stance and pervasiveness. You see, at 27 I considered myself too old to go around convincing people the LGBTQI community was not a plague. I had conceded to remain in my corner and make as many efforts as my daily life would allow, but not much more other than that.
And still, like a bad guest at a house party, an acquittal told me – at my house nonetheless- homosexuals were not fit to be parents. “Marriage? – Yeah, another word would do the trick better, though. Children? Not my cup of tea.” I attempted to drop the topic in the name of civility to other guests.
However, after his insistence on talking about the topic, I ended up pulling an Ayn Rand on how I lived in a free country which, while allowed him to say whatever he desired, did not oblige me to listen and even less to engage in the conversation. I kept wondering, and still do, what the point of the whole thing was. LGBTQI parents have data and science in their favor. What’s more, we have millions of starving orphans that turn the situation into a priority and not a mere hypothesis. It is sad that thousands of children remain in foster homes as political hostages.
I was sort of forced to talk to this guy who calls himself my friend – although there is a discrepancy between us on such allegation. For him, it is alright if we hang out, drink, talk about sex and love (within what he considers reasonable limits), but at the end of the day, I am not and will never be good enough to raise a child for him. Suddenly, it was average-Mexican-city all over again. No point in making witty comments against such ban. At the end of the day, I’d still be a maricón who attempted to challenge nature to get his hands on innocent prey.
The next day, because life enjoys such irony, a French friend told me how it made sense that a million people protested in France against same-sex marriage. “They are not homophobic; they are just fighting for traditional values. Even gays in France don’t support the bill!,” he said. All I could wonder was who these so-called defenders were and whether they actually uphold such values they so deeply seemed to care about. “It would all be too complicated; thus, it might make sense to avoid the mess,” he said. He continued talking about the legal hassle it would be… Filiation, divorce, property and all sorts of law. All those big words that attempt to enclose our mundane daily life.
We tend to forget how much the world has changed in just the last 100 years. From women barred from voting to segregation and Alan Turing going through a chemical castration, among many other examples that unfairly remain unmentioned; the world –especially the Free World – has become a tiny bit freer inch by inch.
There is and has never been status quo. Was it necessary to change legislation to allow people from different races to marry in a bunch of U.S. states? Hell, yeah. Didn’t people have to change their mindset to stop saying “I believe you are the same than me, but please use another bathroom/room/school”? Yet, a week does not go by without listening to why I am not fit to be a parent, why it would be too complicated to allow me to marry the person I love, and even to hear arguments on why LGBTQI people should be considered disabled.
When I brought the topic on how I had been called unfit to be a parent, an American friend said my guest had been rude. Rude. That was the sole word he used. For him, the mistake was not in the content, just the setting. Dignity is still on the table for debate. Equality is still something we can opt in or out. Would there have been outrage had the topic been race, gender or national origin?
I do not pretend or seek to discover the wheel that will lead towards equality. It is a mere thought on how the attempt to rationalize such arguments validates the underlying belief that they and we are simply not the same; that there is, indeed, such thing as them and us. “Separate but Equal 2.0.”
Perhaps it is time to get out of my corner. As a really good Ally just said “I call for us to stand on the side of justice and to don't 'agree to disagree.' Let's stop being cordial and begin to strive for equality and justice.” The horrors of what intolerant people can do have been exemplified on several occasions. We shall not be victims of our destiny. Not even them can stop us now.
